Tag: opinion

On Friendship: The Word Friend

marygracewriting9 Comments

What does the word ‘friend’ mean?

Language changes with time, ideas as well, and what we once thought of as a friend has also changed. When I looked up the word ‘friend’ and its definitions, I found something that highlights this fact.

The 6th example of the word ‘friend’ as found at dictionary.com

6. a person associated with another as a contact on a social media website: We’ve never met, but we’re Facebook friends.

dictionary.com

I shouldn’t really have been surprised by the inclusion of this new definition of a friend, but I was. To friend, someone is also defined on the same page. So it seems it’s official, our whole modern concept of friendship has shifted. My generation was the first to think of people we’d never met in person as ‘friends’, and as someone who lived in a small community as a child and teen, it opened up my world in a huge way. I’ll talk about this more in a future post. The point is, this shift had been coming for a long time and it is here to stay.

A more traditional view of the word is still relevant.

  1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
dictionary.com

Whether in person or virtually, this definition covers the surface meaning of ‘friend’. For you to be my friend I have to think well of you in some way, I have to care about you on some level. If there is no care, there is no friendship. So the word ‘friend’ is tied to human emotions, and not just physical proximity.

There are so many words associated with a friend, like acquaintance, buddy, partner, pal, mate, familiar, comrade, associate, and colleague. Each of these words adds a new layer to a relationship. Friend left alone, has become quite a veg term in modern English and part of me mourns this. But another part acknowledges the need for a wide term. I have personally experienced and held affection for people I’ve never met, and will never meet in person. They are in fact, my friends. But I also find the limits of the English language frustrating as I long for a friendship that sinks deeper, with no one word to describe what I feel we lack.

In the book Ann of Green Gables, Lucy Maud Montgomery used the term ‘bosom friend’. I always loved that term, picturing someone I would be unafraid of embracing and holding close to my heart. It is this that I feel has vanished from modern culture. As we can see, a friend has become a term we use to describe people of little if almost no interaction, yet we still hold threads of affection for these people or we wouldn’t care to scroll through highlights of their lives on social media.

The origins of the word ‘friend’ are fascinating and I encourage you to read this short post on the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language on its root words and the Old English verb frฤ“on, “to love, like, honor, set free (from slavery or confinement).” Who would have thought such an everyday word could be so deep?

These rich roots are something I wish humans were better at remembering as we wonder about the paths of changing communication. What do you think?

I hope this short look at what the word ‘friend’ means and how it has changed over time has been enlightening. It is my hope that by trying to understand this word, it will help each of us find that bosom friendship many of us seek but find elusive. Words are important and their meanings are important, for they represent deep emotions and ideas.

Copyright ยฉ2023 Mary Grace van der Kroef

Previous Post – On Friendship: Introduction

Forthcoming Post – On Friendship: The Word Enemy

Forthcoming Post – On Friendship: What is it?

Forthcoming Post – On Friendship: My First Friend

Websites referenced in this post:

Dictionary.com

American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language

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Six Word Story (112)

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Some years it’s easy to appear in early spring as the winter snows have already fled. But in other years, it’s hard. A cold crust might form a canopy that only the strongest sun rays push through. Whether it’s easy or hard, it still happens. Nature still forces growth in the hardest of conditions.

Don’t those early, brave few, stand out as all the more beautiful for their start surroundings? In reality, they are not much different from all the others that bloom through the summer, but because they dared to just be, they are our reminder of hope. Spring is coming, and yes, it’s already here.

Copyright ยฉ2023 Mary Grace van der Kroef

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On Friendship: Introduction

marygracewriting13 Comments

There has been something on my heart for a while now, but I couldn’t decide how to express it until now. That thing is friendship and the lack of it in today’s modern society. This lack is not something new, and it may not be something everyone experiences, but I’ve felt it and seen it creeping like a shadow over my social circles and family for years.

What has happened to true friendship?

What is it? Do we still know?

Is it worth it in today’s society?

Has it changed over the years?

Can we find it again after losing it?

These are a few of the questions I would like to explore for the next few months.

The plan is to do this slowly, taking time to mull over the word ‘friend’ itself first and what it means. Then moving on to related words and personal experiences I’ve had. If there’s anything in particular, you would like to me write about, drop a comment below and I’ll do my best to add it to the list. Got a question about friendship? Ask it and we can explore it together.

Do you have friends? Many? A few? Just one?

Are they good friends, or do you consider them fair weather?

Are YOU a friend? A good one? A bad one?

Do you want to learn how to be a better friend?

I won’t profess that I’m any kind of expert on the subject, but I also won’t shy away from the fact that it’s very important to me and I have learned how to be a good friend. I’m one of those people who love very deeply. If I make a friend in person I will never forget them.

I believe friendship is one of the most important things to build within human relationships. We all crave the intimacy and connection that it holds. So why does it seem like it’s becoming harder and harder to find in a true, or strong form? Or am I perhaps mistaken and friendships are thriving, but it’s me who has for some reason become blind to it? This is also a possibility.

What do YOU think? Is friendship on the decline?

Copyright ยฉ2023 Mary Grace van der Kroef

Forthcoming Post – On Friendship: The Word Friend

Forthcoming Post – On Friendship: The Word Enemy

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Six Word Story (111)

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Contrast, we view it every day without realizing how important it is.

What would happen if all contrasts were whipped from the world? Every stark line blurred until we can no longer tell where one thing ends and another begins? I find that thought terrifying.

Depth and meaning would be lost…

This Good Friday I am thankful for contrast, the shadows, the lines, and the ability to tell the difference between good and true evil. I think we need those defining contrasts regardless of how hard they can be to view or experience. I think that is part of the reason why God allows them to exist.

Have a blessed weekend.

Copyright ยฉ Mary Grace van der Kroef

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Six Word Story (110)

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I use to get splinters as I stacked the wood my family used to heat our home in winter. Dad used gloves but I hated them. Even in winter, I preferred the feeling of bark against my skin, it gave my little hands a better grip.

First, we stacked it in rows behind the garage, then before winter we would all take turns loading the back of the truck, or even sleds with wood and moved it indoors, throwing it down the old-fashioned wood shoot. Once it was inside the word still wasn’t done, it needed to be stacked again to make more room for another load of wood. Back and forth back and forth…

We spent our time doing the necessary. Then when winter hit and the furnace was fired up we spent trees whose rings represent all the time they gathered into their trunks year after year, expanding, giving life to the world.

What a gift their end was to our family.

What a gift our time was to each other as we hauled each load and stored it for those cold Canadian months.

Each moment we spend time, but have you ever thought about whose time you are spending? It’s almost never just yours.

Copyrigt ยฉ2023 Mary Grace van der Kroef

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Six Word Story (109)

marygracewriting2 Comments

Darkness can be oppressive.

A weight that drags, a fear that binds.

Darkness blinds us, but light in concentrated amounts shone in the middle of darkness can also blind us.

Illumination is deceptive, when it shows only a portion of the truth, not the whole story.

If you are trapped in a tunnel, following that light can be just as scary as walking deeper into the shadows. It can be even more painful.

So what do we do, when we are faced with such choices?

Stop, and look around, what does the light show you? What does it hide?

Literally and figuratively the time we take to gather information is so important. Then comes a moment of trust that a light has been placed where it is for a reason.

Sometimes it’s impossible to tell if that light is a light pointing the way to freedom, or warning us. I can’t promise you will make the right choice if you take stock before moving forward. I have been blinded in this way more than once in my life, but one thing I know… Moving forward is always better than sitting in my darkness to rot.

Have you ever had to face a blinding light or painful truth? Tell me about it.

Copyright ยฉ Mary Grace van der Kroef

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Six Word Story (108)

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Rains of blessings or rains of sorrow, both have the potential to overwhelm when everyday eminence has been ignored. When was the last time you checked all those necessary drains? Yes the ones that might be built into the street outside your house, go remove those forgotten leaves. But also, the outlets you have built into your life, the things you do or the people you know that let you drain the overflow of emotions when you need to.

You do have them, don’t you?

If you don’t have them, it’s time to pray about digging that drain, praying for a friend, or finding that activity that will help you decompress. I know it’s not easy. I personally find the ‘people’ part of it hard. But they are important.

When God blesses you with them, it’s time to maintain them. Don’t forget them.

Maybe you ARE that for other people. You need matinence as well. Don’t be content to sit there and let your grate rust. You are important, your friendship is invaluable. It’s okay to raise your voice every once in a while and remind us others that you need help removing that debris built up around you.

I’m also still working on the ability to remind the people that walk above me that I need that help. Don’t be ashamed if it doesn’t come naturally. Got any tips on how to take care of those forgotten outlets? Tell us in the comments.

Copyright ยฉ2023 Mary Grace van der Kroef

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Six Word Story (106)

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I know the staircase has a landing, even when I can’t see it. There is no such thing as a staircase without a landing for staircases are meant as a road to take you up or down to ARRIVE at your destination.

Still, if I stand at the bottom and look up through the maze of curving handrails, it looks like that walkway is neverending. What a weight that perception holds…

I can feel it even when I know it can’t be true.

Perceptions, they can be so deceptive.

But that weight can be overcome by the knowledge that A staircase HAS to have an ending added to information gathered along the journey once we start the climb. Do we pass floors? Do they have numbers to tell? What information did I gather before entering the building, like how many floors are there?

By doing this, we can turn a 2-dimensional perception into a 3-dimensional prediction/map.

Don’t let the weight of perception alone crush you. Reach out, look around, and ask for help.

Copyright ยฉ2023 Mary Grace van der Kroef

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Six Word Story (105)

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I was given my first pair of glasses at the age of 5. They were purple, and the temple tips were made to wrap around a child’s ear and help hold them in place.

I also remember those first few weeks of using them. They were heavy, the strain hurt my eyes, and I didn’t like them.

But whether or not I liked them, I needed them. Soon I realized I didn’t have to squint all the time, and once I was used to the weight and the focus, my eyes hurt less than before I got them.

I couldn’t read yet but now I could SEE the words on a page and the letters that made them up, but only if I wore those glasses and chose to focus.

There is bounty in focus. But most of the time, it doesn’t come naturally, you have to learn it and chose it.

Copyright ยฉ2023 Mary Grace van der Kroef

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Six Word Story (104)

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Sometimes that last piece of the puzzle is elusive, hiding in the weirdest of places, or managing to crawl into the smallest crevice.

But sometimes, you’re just sitting on it. So get up and look!

But just in case you’re not sitting on it doesn’t rush the prosses of searching.

Sometimes it’s not a puzzle piece we are missing, but something more important.

Patience,

Faith,

Hope,

These things get lost too.

It still takes a pause, a think, and even a prayer, to find them again.

Don’t forget to take that time, and when it’s most challenging, bring a second set of eyes into the search.

Friends are worth more than gold.

Copyright ยฉ2023 Mary Grace van der Kroef

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