Tag: advice

On Friendship: The Power of One

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My Mother once told me, “It’s better to have one good friend than to have many that aren’t close.”

I’ve found this statement to be true. But in the Western world, we often fall into the trap of lumping our relationships in with what culture views as “Success”, which is to have many, and more, and bigger. The big problem with this is that people are not things. Friendships can’t be hoarded like material possessions and remain strong and healthy. The more you have the more work is to maintain them.

“Things” can be stored. Even though possessions can indeed become a weight that drags a soul down, if you have enough money to pay for storage and preservation then you can keep them for quite a long time. But people? Well, people don’t keep like things do, and we can’t pay someone else to maintain our friendships. It must be a personal investment of time.

It’s also possible to have hundreds of friends, and still be lonely. But equally possible to have one true friend, and be as rich as the wealthiest man on earth. You can’t count the wealth of friendships by numbers.

“It’s better to have one good friend than to have many that aren’t close.”

Each person we come in contact with is a being of immeasurable worth. Yes, all of them. Even the ones we don’t like. How do we honour people’s worth, while being honest with how many relationships we can maintain?

First, recognize that each person is going to have a different capacity for this and even as we go through life our circumstances will change, meaning that once we could manage a crowd of good friendships, now we can only honestly hold on to a handful, and stay true. Recognize that this is normal.

Second, honesty is always better than stinging people along. It hurts to be rejected, especially when you have been looking for a true friend and then finally meet someone who you think you might be able to connect with, just to have them tell you they don’t have time for you. But trust me, it hurts way worse to be strung along with phrases like, “We need to get together sometime!” and “We’ll for sure do that!” Just to have every attempt you make to reach out shot down with, “Somethings come up, can we reschedule?” Over and over again. Make a note that it’s the repetition that’s devastating. It’s normal for life to get in the way and plans to have to change, but if it’s becoming a pattern in a relationship it’s a red flag that shows one person in the party doesn’t want to, or maybe can’t commit.

Third, you can love a friend from afar when your ability to maintain closeness changes. I’ve had to say goodbye to many friends in one form or another. I’ve also had friends that I have had to cut off, but my love for that person has not disappeared. I also don’t feel the ones I left on good terms love me any less than they did when we both had the time to enjoy each other’s company. Don’t be afraid to tell people you might not be able to handle a lot of interactions right now, but you love them, and you still care. This goes a long way in maintaining ties when you might need space, whether that’s forever, or for a short time. If someone has to walk away from you because they are overwhelmed, it can be really hard. But remember, they honoured your friendship enough, to be honest with you. If you can, tell them you will be waiting for when their circumstances change again, and you’ll be loving them just the same in the in-between.

Don’t forget the worth of the friends or friends you still hold. Cherish them, invest in them, and don’t let the ties weaken while looking around at the crowd of potential.

If you’re the one that’s lonely, remember, it only takes one good friend to change your circumstances. Treasure that one if you have it.

But what if you can’t find that one? I’ll talk about that next week.

Copyright ©2023 Mary Grace van der Kroef

Previous Post – On Friendship: What if You’re Afraid of It

Previous Post – On Friendship: Friend Doesn’t Mean Project

Previous Post – On Friendship: In Person

Previous Post – On Friendship: Virtual Friendship

Previous Post – On Friendship: Receiving and Giving Forgiveness

Previous Post – On Friendship: The Word Enemy

Previous Post – On Friendship: My First Friend

Previous Post – On Friendship: What is it?

Previous Post – On Friendship: The Word Friend

Previous Post – On Friendship: Introduction

Forthcoming Post – On Friendship: Be the Friend You’re Looking For

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Six Word Story (109)

marygracewriting2 Comments

Darkness can be oppressive.

A weight that drags, a fear that binds.

Darkness blinds us, but light in concentrated amounts shone in the middle of darkness can also blind us.

Illumination is deceptive, when it shows only a portion of the truth, not the whole story.

If you are trapped in a tunnel, following that light can be just as scary as walking deeper into the shadows. It can be even more painful.

So what do we do, when we are faced with such choices?

Stop, and look around, what does the light show you? What does it hide?

Literally and figuratively the time we take to gather information is so important. Then comes a moment of trust that a light has been placed where it is for a reason.

Sometimes it’s impossible to tell if that light is a light pointing the way to freedom, or warning us. I can’t promise you will make the right choice if you take stock before moving forward. I have been blinded in this way more than once in my life, but one thing I know… Moving forward is always better than sitting in my darkness to rot.

Have you ever had to face a blinding light or painful truth? Tell me about it.

Copyright © Mary Grace van der Kroef

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Six Word Story (108)

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Rains of blessings or rains of sorrow, both have the potential to overwhelm when everyday eminence has been ignored. When was the last time you checked all those necessary drains? Yes the ones that might be built into the street outside your house, go remove those forgotten leaves. But also, the outlets you have built into your life, the things you do or the people you know that let you drain the overflow of emotions when you need to.

You do have them, don’t you?

If you don’t have them, it’s time to pray about digging that drain, praying for a friend, or finding that activity that will help you decompress. I know it’s not easy. I personally find the ‘people’ part of it hard. But they are important.

When God blesses you with them, it’s time to maintain them. Don’t forget them.

Maybe you ARE that for other people. You need matinence as well. Don’t be content to sit there and let your grate rust. You are important, your friendship is invaluable. It’s okay to raise your voice every once in a while and remind us others that you need help removing that debris built up around you.

I’m also still working on the ability to remind the people that walk above me that I need that help. Don’t be ashamed if it doesn’t come naturally. Got any tips on how to take care of those forgotten outlets? Tell us in the comments.

Copyright ©2023 Mary Grace van der Kroef

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Six Word Story (106)

marygracewriting2 Comments

I know the staircase has a landing, even when I can’t see it. There is no such thing as a staircase without a landing for staircases are meant as a road to take you up or down to ARRIVE at your destination.

Still, if I stand at the bottom and look up through the maze of curving handrails, it looks like that walkway is neverending. What a weight that perception holds…

I can feel it even when I know it can’t be true.

Perceptions, they can be so deceptive.

But that weight can be overcome by the knowledge that A staircase HAS to have an ending added to information gathered along the journey once we start the climb. Do we pass floors? Do they have numbers to tell? What information did I gather before entering the building, like how many floors are there?

By doing this, we can turn a 2-dimensional perception into a 3-dimensional prediction/map.

Don’t let the weight of perception alone crush you. Reach out, look around, and ask for help.

Copyright ©2023 Mary Grace van der Kroef

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