One More Time

She poses, one hand at her waist, one lifted as if to invite a question. One skate blade poised, toe and tip to ice. The other is ready to propel her body into motion.
She stands there, frozen, every muscle straining then relaxing, waiting. Then it comes, gentle notes drifting out of her deep and buttoned coat pocket.

Arms move with grace to the music only she can hear. Sturdy legs propel her forward, around in a steady half spin, and stop. She bows to the woods. There is no human in sight to witness this dance on ice. The snow-ladened evergreens shimmer in the bright sunlight, the naked birch is unafraid to bare all its beauty.


More notes come. Arms and legs now work as one to propel her form across the sheet of ice. The air smells of cold crystals, mixed with sun. Her own breath reveals its presence in puffs of white.


“Count Mary Ann.” She speaks to herself in the quiet.
“One, and two, then stop. Three, then four, and glide.”


Bare fingers stretch to the sky as one, a gentle turn while holding speed. One leg lifted ready, arms controlled but relaxed. Speed perfect, she punches the ice with power. The tip of her skate kicking up an ice shower. For a split second she is free of the earth, then down to touch the ice again. One rotation, but well done. Balance perfect, arms out and poised. The tones from her pocked lifted with her to spin and again down, slowing. Now they resemble the slow trickle of a stream, gentle and playful.


Wind sends the naked branches into a gentle clatter. Her steps become skips across the ice. Build speed, turn, then building again.


“One more time!”
Her heart beating faster, her breath fogging the air behind her, her toque threatening to fall away, but ignored.
“One and two and, oh!”


The blade of her skate finds ripples she had carved in to the ice some days ago. The uneven surface jolts her sideways and down she falls. Bare hands stop her face from touching the ice sheet. They are red from cold. The air chilled them as she moved through her dance and now pressed to the ice, it stings. The surface a beautiful shimmer but biting.


A deep sigh pushes itself from her chest out in to the daylight. She closes her eyes. An unexpected fall. Checking her lumps. One, two, three, four. Jared, but all in the right place.
“It’s okay, Mary Ann. One more time.”


She pushes herself up, a slide and a momentary wobble are evidence her internal rhythm needs righting. Once firmly on the blades of her skates face to the sun, she checks her pocket. The phone is still in one piece. Time to start the song over again.


Ruby red fingers fumble for a moment as again a guest of wind rattles the branches. There clatter is the only sound until in the distance, a dog barks. The others will come soon, there is a need to hurry.


One more time around before the boys take to the ice, sticks in hand. James has promised to bring her hockey stick out for her. She will soon need to change her white skates for the black pair, waiting by the rough-cut log stools.


Breath in, breath out. Pose, one hand on waist, one hand in questioning greeting, toe out.
As the notes once again hum from her pocket, just for her, so starts her dance, only viewed by the trees that line the west side of the rink.

©2021 Mary Grace van der Kroef

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Searching

Infinite scroll
while you’re searching.
To fill the black hole
you’re searching.
She gave you a like
in friends, there’s a spike.
You’re searching.

“Time to have lunch?”
“No, I’m searching.”
“In a time crunch?”
“Ya, I’m searching.”
Not sure how to stop,
on comments eavesdrop,
while you’re searching.

Are you numb to the loss
while you’re searching?
It comes with a cost,
all this searching.
The people out there
could never compare
to the ones who still wait,
while you’re searching…

©Mary Grace van der Kroef 2020

Water Sport

Water splashes up with joy
Bottoms down in playful ploy
A splash is meant as a decoy
The failing grin just makes her coy

Water sparkles on the skin
Drips from wildly grinning chin
Eager for the game to win
Awakes my child deep within

Join her game and water sport
Sidelines leave our fun to court
Don’t doddle, life is short
Come and join a child’s cavort

©Mary Grace van der Kroef 2020

Rainy Day

Painted rock. Named “Rainy Day”. Hamilton Ontario

She found a Rainy Day
With it, had her way
Added to her play
Then carefully tucked away
Her treasured Rainy Day
For another soon to play
Skipping walked away
Down the path made her way
Wave goodbye to Rainy Day

©Mary Grace van der Kroef 2020

Overwhelmed

The table is strewn with papers. Books are piled up at its edges. The floor is covered with loose papers, toppled piles of books, pencil shavings. The Student is no longer sitting in the chair. It is pushed away from the table.

The dejected pile of humanity sits on the floor. Tears flowing, while hands, black from ink, cover a downcast face.

“So much.”

Whispers. Half sobs.

“There is so much, so much I don’t know. So much left.”

Shoulders shake with emotions. Bottled, but beginning to seep out.

“How.”

Trembling.

“How will I ever finish?”

The bottle cap gives way. True desperation is now flowing out, like from a shaken soda.

“You never will.” The teacher gently rebukes.

An open book is picked up from the floor and gently dusted off. The page corners soothed before it’s placed back on to the table.

“No one ever stops being a student. Not even when they become a teacher.”

Some papers are shuffled together and laid flat into a pile. A pencil is placed back with its counterparts in a small pot. A pen soon joins them all.

“I’m so overwhelmed.” Student’s voice sounds like sandpaper.

“Good. You have learned something wonderful. Let’s have some tea.”

©Mary Grace van der Kroef 2020

I would welcome any and all feedback on this piece. ~ M.G. van der Kroef

Waiting

I hate waiting

It’s not a joke

It feels like dying

Wreathed in smoke

I hate waiting

Inspirations death

Loss of momentum

Steals my breath

I hate waiting

I know where to go

The sign was clear

Or, I thought so

I hate waiting

Now I second guess

Making the right choice?

Or starting a mess?

I hate waiting

Necessary or not

Others can let go

I’m one that gets caught

I hate waiting

It’s always been so

It’s not like is softens

Inevitability’s blow

I said I hate waiting

That’s telling a lot

But I still do it often

Believe it or not

©Mary Grace van der Kroef 2020

Dancing Snow

A lock down piece.

It’s March 13th, a Friday, 2020. Yesterday the provincial government of Ontario announced that they would be closing all schools for an extended March break. The reason? To slow the anticipated growth of the COVID 19 pandemic. This week the whole world has shown its fear.

After a night of troubled sleep, I wake up tired, but ready to get my two eldest children out the door for their last day of school. Our regular one week March Break will now be 3 weeks.

“Emma, Erin! You’re going to have to wear your snow pants today.” I call into the living room.

“What? Really?” Emma’s exasperated reply is muffled as it passes through the wall.

“It’s blowing out there today. Just look out the window. See?”

“Alright, Mom!” Erin sounds unexpectedly chipper this morning. His usual reluctance at getting ready replaced by a child’s happiness at it being the last day of school, for ALMOST a whole MONTH.

After a few minutes of eye-rolling by Emma, finding a sweater for Erin, and bundling myself up against the wind, we head out the door.

“How cold is it this morning Mom?” Erin asks.

“-8, but with the wind, it feels like -17. Are you glad I told you to wear your snow stuff this morning?”

“Yep!” Said Erin happily. His sister mumbles a NO as she passes me on our way towards the sidewalk.

Today the wind is cold but I don’t want to give up our last morning of being able to walk to school. It might be a while that we are stuck at home. The fresh air and exercise are good for all of us.

“Watch out for the ice Erin!” I call as he slides his boots over a patch hidden by a dusting of snow.

The wind whips by and carries that light dusting with it. It skips across the clear cold street, only stopping at the gutters and sidewalks still half-filled with bumpy patches of thick ice.

As we reach the sidewalk Erin exuberantly points at the street ahead of us.

“Look Emma! The snow looks like snakes! Oh my gosh! That is so cool!”

“It’s following us, Erin!” Emma says, her gloom turning into wonder as she points behind us. “Looks its passing us!”

All three of us smile as the wind hits our backs and caries the fallen snow across the pavement.

“Mom! It looks like the snow is running ahead of us and making a painting.” Emma’s finger waves in the air and at the ground around us. “It’s so beautiful. It’s running altogether in front of us. Here it comes! There it goes!”

“I’m glad this wind is at our backs today,” I say.

“Yep! The wind is faster than humans Mom. It’ll help us get to school.”

Halfway through our 15-minute walk, we stop at the white cross in the churchyard. It’s our regular morning ritual to stop here. I pull out my smartphone, turn on our favourite family game, Pokemon Go, and hand it over to Erin. As he ketches his virtual Pokemon, I notice both kids are still eyeing the street next to us. Not even the lure of technology is dampening their appreciation for this morning.

Once all the Pokemon have been caught we continue on our way to school. The Kindergarten school bus passes us, and I wave to the man who safely drove both my kids to and from school, just a few years ago. He hasn’t forgotten any of us. Or their shenanigans.

The wind is still coming in gusts, and Emma states her disappointment as it dies down just as a slithering batch of snow was to reach us. But as a car drives by, it picks up again and follows the vehicle in strange zigzagging patterns.

“I love it when the snow dances Mom.” Says Emma as I grab her and Erin’s hands to make the last crossing before we reach the schoolyard.

“I do too Baby.”

The small parking lot on the other side of the street is a sheet of dark rippling ice. I again remind Erin to be careful as he slightly crouches, holds his arms behind himself, and runs ‘like a ninja’ over the worst section.

“Oh look, the snow is all stuck here!” Says Emma. She is looking down at the edge of the street we just crossed.

“Only for right now Baby. If the wind changes, it will dance down the street again.” I say trying to ease her disappointment a bit.

She smiles back at me. Her gloom and grumps now completely gone.

After seeing them safely to the schoolyard, making sure I get my goodbye hugs and reminding them to be good on there last day, I start for home.

The bumpy ice crunches under my feet. The wind stings my face. I wave to a teacher as she makes one of the last turns before arriving at school herself. I miss my kids and their happy chatter.

Now I watch the snow dance by myself. The wind has turned light snow into chaos. But it’s beautiful to watch. Almost mesmerizing. I take my phone out again and snap a picture. A simple way to try to hold on to this feeling, to remember. Even amid the unknown, even fear, there is still beauty.

©Mary Grace van der Kroef 2020